Oh My God! Life is fine but work is killing me!
So, I have two choices and they are as follows:
(i) Act busy, but actually I am surfing the net, blog shopping, blog reading, facebooking or doing nothing, during working hours. And of course, trying to fight the Zzz monster.
(ii) Be really diligent and do my work. Allocating all the unallocated payment to their respective invoices for accounts 5 years ago. Man! That is really hard work! Not the worst work ever but its hard work. And looking at the numbers makes me blur and confused and giddy :(
So should I be (i) or (ii)? Be a good or bad employee? Or be good or bad to myself and my eyes?
I have no idea. I am wondering between both. Sometimes good, sometimes bad but time pass super duper slow. Thank God it is only 3 weeks with a lot of long weekends in between.
Other than these 3 weeks, my life has been amazing and stayed the same amazing way since 28 Jan 2011. There are ups and downs and yet all the downs always bring us to a higher point and thats good!
Oh ya, I have another idea what I can do le! And I am happy. Shall do it sooon. Maybe tomorrow, when I have the necessary programe. Hehe.
Recently, I witnessed someone experiencing what I once went through. And I really wonder what gave me the courage to get over everything so fast then. Less than a week. I am truly amazed by myself thinking back. Maybe it is just me. I never needed a reason to hold on to something, I never needed a reason to fall in love with someone, I never needed a reason to let go of something, I never needed a reason to move on. And most of the times, when I make up my mind, nothing else matters and the ending will not differ much from how I expect it to be.
Or maybe it was a gut feeling then, an instinct, something that guided me, letting me know that I deserve better and there is someone better around.
I am getting dreamy and totally not making sense. Shall continue with work.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Thursday, November 03, 2011
Cannot sleep
Having some trouble sleeping tonight. After the conversation, it's hitting me more than it normally will. And to top it off, a drunken dad coming home. Sometimes, it's better to be pandang.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Gender Discrimination Impossible!
Some thoughts of mine.
I am never really a person who fights for equivalent for women. Simply because I never sees reasons how women can be as capable as guys. Maybe in certain aspects, YES, women can be better than men, but NEVER ever will women be equal as men!
I am never a fan of AWARE, who believes that gender can be equal and getting all jumpy about whatever Mr Lee Kuan Yew have said about women should stop and weigh the differences between a PhD and ‘love and babies’. That is just an ugly truth that we have to face, we need to give birth, need to carry the next generation and sacrifice our time and body on our next generation, because we are born to do it! I doubt I will see men giving birth in my lifetime. And the statement that Mr Lee seems to me like desperate pleads to women out there in the society to help Singapore with the aging population. Either help to give birth, or stop complaining about the influx of foreign talents. (Article here)
For one good reason, as God has made us, our physical ‘configurations’ are way different. You hardly see a guy being temperamental and starts crying or shouting his head off at his work place when faced with frustration or negativities at work. Yet, I am rather sure that you will see women crying or shouting at her work place to vent her frustration or anger. Simply because, we, women, are much much more emotional than guys!
I am not implying that all women are emotional or all men have great control of their emotions. I am just giving a rather general example. There are EXCEPTIONS and I know of some them.
And most women will never have the kind of reflexes that men have. And also, most women will never be able to do things like men do, eg, going to army?
However, not fighting for equality doesn’t imply that women should be treated as slaves. Seriously, what’s up with the Obedience Wives Club?
What about being submissive in the bedroom, obeying your husband and satisfying your husband’s sexual needs such that he will not go out and look for prostitute?! I seriously don’t see how much this will help or contribute to the tackling of prostitution.
This is sending a wrong message. So for example, you have a husband who used to visit prostitute, found out about Obedient Wives Club, decided to come back, and he came back with STD, will you still be that Obedient Wife and obey whatever that he demand?
That example was a bit forceful. Let’s take a look at another scenario then.
You have a wife who is part of the Obedient Wives Club right before marriage. 7 years down the road, or 20/30 years down the road. When she is old and haggard and tired from everything in her life, yet she still try her best to obey her husband and satisfy his sexual needs, do you really really really believe that 20 to 30 years later, the husband will still stay faithful to her? And not go find prostitute? I really doubt so.
So how much can the Club keep men from going to prostitute and tackle prostitute and other sex trafficking issues? The answer? BARE MINIMAL.
One super ugly truth that we women have to face is, we will not be young and youthful and pretty FOREVER and we will always be aging faster than guys and we will definitely get in to menopause earlier than men have theirs. (Yes, men goes through ‘menopause’, they are know as Andropause.)
When women have their menopause, or they age, or they lose their youth, men will go out and look for other women, be it prostitute or just another woman. (Not all the men do that though, and I seriously hope my man will not do that!)
So tell me, how can the Club combat prostitution or other sex related offences?
No offence meant to any religion or whatsoever. Its just the ideas behind the club that doesn’t seems convincing enough.
And one sad truth, women tried for decades or maybe the whole century, hoping to be equal, but we never will be.
I am never really a person who fights for equivalent for women. Simply because I never sees reasons how women can be as capable as guys. Maybe in certain aspects, YES, women can be better than men, but NEVER ever will women be equal as men!
I am never a fan of AWARE, who believes that gender can be equal and getting all jumpy about whatever Mr Lee Kuan Yew have said about women should stop and weigh the differences between a PhD and ‘love and babies’. That is just an ugly truth that we have to face, we need to give birth, need to carry the next generation and sacrifice our time and body on our next generation, because we are born to do it! I doubt I will see men giving birth in my lifetime. And the statement that Mr Lee seems to me like desperate pleads to women out there in the society to help Singapore with the aging population. Either help to give birth, or stop complaining about the influx of foreign talents. (Article here)
For one good reason, as God has made us, our physical ‘configurations’ are way different. You hardly see a guy being temperamental and starts crying or shouting his head off at his work place when faced with frustration or negativities at work. Yet, I am rather sure that you will see women crying or shouting at her work place to vent her frustration or anger. Simply because, we, women, are much much more emotional than guys!
I am not implying that all women are emotional or all men have great control of their emotions. I am just giving a rather general example. There are EXCEPTIONS and I know of some them.
And most women will never have the kind of reflexes that men have. And also, most women will never be able to do things like men do, eg, going to army?
However, not fighting for equality doesn’t imply that women should be treated as slaves. Seriously, what’s up with the Obedience Wives Club?
What about being submissive in the bedroom, obeying your husband and satisfying your husband’s sexual needs such that he will not go out and look for prostitute?! I seriously don’t see how much this will help or contribute to the tackling of prostitution.
This is sending a wrong message. So for example, you have a husband who used to visit prostitute, found out about Obedient Wives Club, decided to come back, and he came back with STD, will you still be that Obedient Wife and obey whatever that he demand?
That example was a bit forceful. Let’s take a look at another scenario then.
You have a wife who is part of the Obedient Wives Club right before marriage. 7 years down the road, or 20/30 years down the road. When she is old and haggard and tired from everything in her life, yet she still try her best to obey her husband and satisfy his sexual needs, do you really really really believe that 20 to 30 years later, the husband will still stay faithful to her? And not go find prostitute? I really doubt so.
So how much can the Club keep men from going to prostitute and tackle prostitute and other sex trafficking issues? The answer? BARE MINIMAL.
One super ugly truth that we women have to face is, we will not be young and youthful and pretty FOREVER and we will always be aging faster than guys and we will definitely get in to menopause earlier than men have theirs. (Yes, men goes through ‘menopause’, they are know as Andropause.)
When women have their menopause, or they age, or they lose their youth, men will go out and look for other women, be it prostitute or just another woman. (Not all the men do that though, and I seriously hope my man will not do that!)
So tell me, how can the Club combat prostitution or other sex related offences?
No offence meant to any religion or whatsoever. Its just the ideas behind the club that doesn’t seems convincing enough.
And one sad truth, women tried for decades or maybe the whole century, hoping to be equal, but we never will be.
Saturday, July 02, 2011
Leaving something in Life behind
I am going to leave something that my life once revolved around behind in another week's time.
Something that for the past 3 years of my life, I have been living with everyday. Spent most of my time on it for the whole 3 years, giving up on gatherings and other hobbies for it. I am finally going to leave it behind.
Did it affect me and made me upset? Yes, tears were involved in this decision making, a lot.
However thoughts always cross my mind to remind me that, this is a painful decision but it is correct.
Painful because I am leaving all the friends behind, friends who were there when I am happy, sad, angry or lost.
Painful because I love what I was doing. I love all the things that I do, the people that I made, the ability to pass information to people, the ability to teach and share knowledge with my friends and colleagues.
Yet, again, I was always, constantly reminded that there is just a limit to how much I can go here.
I know, no matter how much I do, it is never enough. I will never get agreement from other people, I will always be the one who is not good enough, simply because, blame it on myself for not knowing how to impress people.
New people are always, forever better than me. I am never in the same catergory as other Singaporean Chinese. I am always not there.
And I have to accept that things arent that bad for me, monetary wise. Yet again, comparatively, there are people who are getting better. I have no idea how to convince myself totally most of the time. There are things that arent that bad actually.
Yet, most importantly, feedback and reacting to feedback. Life and work is difficult enough, and to make matter worse, people's temperant are affected by whether there is cash or not. And this make people's life difficult. Feedback is always encourage, but ego and pride is the killer to all these feedback because what that managed to improve is just a small part of what was reflected.
It has been a difficult 3 years, and I am glad that I survived with little teaching from my own superiors. It is sad when he is willing to teach others and never you. It is very sad and yet no one knows how bad that felt on my part.
And this decision is difficult as well, sad for me, appearing ok might not mean that much after all. :)
I am not that ok, but not that sad at the moment.
Farewell on Saturday!
Something that for the past 3 years of my life, I have been living with everyday. Spent most of my time on it for the whole 3 years, giving up on gatherings and other hobbies for it. I am finally going to leave it behind.
Did it affect me and made me upset? Yes, tears were involved in this decision making, a lot.
However thoughts always cross my mind to remind me that, this is a painful decision but it is correct.
Painful because I am leaving all the friends behind, friends who were there when I am happy, sad, angry or lost.
Painful because I love what I was doing. I love all the things that I do, the people that I made, the ability to pass information to people, the ability to teach and share knowledge with my friends and colleagues.
Yet, again, I was always, constantly reminded that there is just a limit to how much I can go here.
I know, no matter how much I do, it is never enough. I will never get agreement from other people, I will always be the one who is not good enough, simply because, blame it on myself for not knowing how to impress people.
New people are always, forever better than me. I am never in the same catergory as other Singaporean Chinese. I am always not there.
And I have to accept that things arent that bad for me, monetary wise. Yet again, comparatively, there are people who are getting better. I have no idea how to convince myself totally most of the time. There are things that arent that bad actually.
Yet, most importantly, feedback and reacting to feedback. Life and work is difficult enough, and to make matter worse, people's temperant are affected by whether there is cash or not. And this make people's life difficult. Feedback is always encourage, but ego and pride is the killer to all these feedback because what that managed to improve is just a small part of what was reflected.
It has been a difficult 3 years, and I am glad that I survived with little teaching from my own superiors. It is sad when he is willing to teach others and never you. It is very sad and yet no one knows how bad that felt on my part.
And this decision is difficult as well, sad for me, appearing ok might not mean that much after all. :)
I am not that ok, but not that sad at the moment.
Farewell on Saturday!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Oh Gosh!
Oh God, I wanted to blog about something and the moment I open this text box, I forgot all about it.
I seriously feel stupid for the fact that I keep checking my phone, and with the stupid button not working well, kill me please.
I seriously need to work. But now, I think I need dinner more.
I have that urge to cut my nails, they are getting weaker and weaker. Cannot imagine I actually peeled off the gel polish. -.- But it is coming off in the first place. ok, it is good, but I have itchy hands.
I feel like going out to loiter. I am so so bored. I should really work hard! Or I shall continue working.
There is classes tomorrow night! Until 9.30pm and I guess my dinner will be Mac again.
I remember what I want to blog about le. I saw the 4th Xiao Qiang on my table. This time round, a smaller one. I shouted and Keith, a new colleague came to attempt to help but the xiaoqiang ran away le. I actually was about to whack it cause it is rather small.
And I changed away most of my passwords. I cant sign on to Facebook on my iphone though and it is irritating me.
I need dinner actually but eating alone is BLAH~!
Shall work!I hope
I seriously feel stupid for the fact that I keep checking my phone, and with the stupid button not working well, kill me please.
I seriously need to work. But now, I think I need dinner more.
I have that urge to cut my nails, they are getting weaker and weaker. Cannot imagine I actually peeled off the gel polish. -.- But it is coming off in the first place. ok, it is good, but I have itchy hands.
I feel like going out to loiter. I am so so bored. I should really work hard! Or I shall continue working.
There is classes tomorrow night! Until 9.30pm and I guess my dinner will be Mac again.
I remember what I want to blog about le. I saw the 4th Xiao Qiang on my table. This time round, a smaller one. I shouted and Keith, a new colleague came to attempt to help but the xiaoqiang ran away le. I actually was about to whack it cause it is rather small.
And I changed away most of my passwords. I cant sign on to Facebook on my iphone though and it is irritating me.
I need dinner actually but eating alone is BLAH~!
Shall work!
Friday, January 14, 2011
I had alot of dreams last night
I had a bad night... I thought the Choya will make me sleep better but mixing Honey Choya with 7up resulted in a freaking sweet drink that made me sleepy but cant sleep well.
Maybe I wasnt in a pleasant mood to sleep to begin with... Had a lot of dreams last night. I dont remember almost all of them but I remember just one scene.
Dreams and reality are opposite. So yap... we shall see...
Went to take my retainer. The $500 retainer. Kill me please. It actually hurts to wear.
The bad night and the sleepy morning and the unpleasant appearance spoilt quite a lot of things. And waiting for messages dont make me feel any better.
Alright, time to work!
Maybe I wasnt in a pleasant mood to sleep to begin with... Had a lot of dreams last night. I dont remember almost all of them but I remember just one scene.
Dreams and reality are opposite. So yap... we shall see...
Went to take my retainer. The $500 retainer. Kill me please. It actually hurts to wear.
The bad night and the sleepy morning and the unpleasant appearance spoilt quite a lot of things. And waiting for messages dont make me feel any better.
Alright, time to work!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Teardrops on my guitar
I know I am abit slow but I realise the following is a nice song!
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without
Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight
'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
The programming test spoilt my mood and spoilt everything. Heard another song on the drive back to office that spoilt my mood even more...
怎么会这样呢
在我对你毫无怀疑的时候
你告诉我,你要离开我
怎么会这样呢
这样赤裸裸连借口都没有
原来诚实是那么伤人
再说感情也该有些线索
昨天你还那么温柔
谁会看得出
你和她已经那么久
当朋友看这段感情的时候
都觉得我是受害者
分手真的难受
哭了又能如何
我不要自己太软弱
而当你看这段感情的时候
是否也觉得我是受害者
往事历历如昨,我付出那么多
可怜的是你竟一无所有
再说感情也该有些线索
昨天你还那么温柔
谁会看得出
你和她已经那么久
当朋友看这段感情的时候
都觉得我是受害者
分手真的难受
哭了又能如何
我不要自己太软弱
而当你看这段感情的时候
是否也觉得我是受害者
往事历历如昨,我付出那么多
可怜的是你竟一无所有
而当你看这段感情的时候
是否也觉得我是受害者
往事历历如昨,我付出那么多
可怜的是你竟一无所有
往事历历如昨,我付出那么多
可怜的是你竟一无所有
And not to mention, I said Hi to someone and got diao -.- Hello, did I offend you bitch?
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without
Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight
'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
The programming test spoilt my mood and spoilt everything. Heard another song on the drive back to office that spoilt my mood even more...
怎么会这样呢
在我对你毫无怀疑的时候
你告诉我,你要离开我
怎么会这样呢
这样赤裸裸连借口都没有
原来诚实是那么伤人
再说感情也该有些线索
昨天你还那么温柔
谁会看得出
你和她已经那么久
当朋友看这段感情的时候
都觉得我是受害者
分手真的难受
哭了又能如何
我不要自己太软弱
而当你看这段感情的时候
是否也觉得我是受害者
往事历历如昨,我付出那么多
可怜的是你竟一无所有
再说感情也该有些线索
昨天你还那么温柔
谁会看得出
你和她已经那么久
当朋友看这段感情的时候
都觉得我是受害者
分手真的难受
哭了又能如何
我不要自己太软弱
而当你看这段感情的时候
是否也觉得我是受害者
往事历历如昨,我付出那么多
可怜的是你竟一无所有
而当你看这段感情的时候
是否也觉得我是受害者
往事历历如昨,我付出那么多
可怜的是你竟一无所有
往事历历如昨,我付出那么多
可怜的是你竟一无所有
And not to mention, I said Hi to someone and got diao -.- Hello, did I offend you bitch?
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