Lov|nG L|Fe ♥

Oh My God!

2011-12-13T14:37:00.000+08:00

Oh My God! Life is fine but work is killing me!

So, I have two choices and they are as follows:
(i) Act busy, but actually I am surfing the net, blog shopping, blog reading, facebooking or doing nothing, during working hours. And of course, trying to fight the Zzz monster.
(ii) Be really diligent and do my work. Allocating all the unallocated payment to their respective invoices for accounts 5 years ago. Man! That is really hard work! Not the worst work ever but its hard work. And looking at the numbers makes me blur and confused and giddy :(

So should I be (i) or (ii)? Be a good or bad employee? Or be good or bad to myself and my eyes?

I have no idea. I am wondering between both. Sometimes good, sometimes bad but time pass super duper slow. Thank God it is only 3 weeks with a lot of long weekends in between.

Other than these 3 weeks, my life has been amazing and stayed the same amazing way since 28 Jan 2011. There are ups and downs and yet all the downs always bring us to a higher point and thats good!

Oh ya, I have another idea what I can do le! And I am happy. Shall do it sooon. Maybe tomorrow, when I have the necessary programe. Hehe.

Recently, I witnessed someone experiencing what I once went through. And I really wonder what gave me the courage to get over everything so fast then. Less than a week. I am truly amazed by myself thinking back. Maybe it is just me. I never needed a reason to hold on to something, I never needed a reason to fall in love with someone, I never needed a reason to let go of something, I never needed a reason to move on. And most of the times, when I make up my mind, nothing else matters and the ending will not differ much from how I expect it to be.

Or maybe it was a gut feeling then, an instinct, something that guided me, letting me know that I deserve better and there is someone better around.

I am getting dreamy and totally not making sense. Shall continue with work.

Cannot sleep

2011-11-03T00:14:00.001+08:00

Having some trouble sleeping tonight. After the conversation, it's hitting me more than it normally will. And to top it off, a drunken dad coming home. Sometimes, it's better to be pandang.

Gender Discrimination Impossible!

2011-10-13T16:14:00.000+08:00

Some thoughts of mine.

I am never really a person who fights for equivalent for women. Simply because I never sees reasons how women can be as capable as guys. Maybe in certain aspects, YES, women can be better than men, but NEVER ever will women be equal as men!

I am never a fan of AWARE, who believes that gender can be equal and getting all jumpy about whatever Mr Lee Kuan Yew have said about women should stop and weigh the differences between a PhD and ‘love and babies’. That is just an ugly truth that we have to face, we need to give birth, need to carry the next generation and sacrifice our time and body on our next generation, because we are born to do it! I doubt I will see men giving birth in my lifetime. And the statement that Mr Lee seems to me like desperate pleads to women out there in the society to help Singapore with the aging population. Either help to give birth, or stop complaining about the influx of foreign talents. (Article here)

For one good reason, as God has made us, our physical ‘configurations’ are way different. You hardly see a guy being temperamental and starts crying or shouting his head off at his work place when faced with frustration or negativities at work. Yet, I am rather sure that you will see women crying or shouting at her work place to vent her frustration or anger. Simply because, we, women, are much much more emotional than guys!

I am not implying that all women are emotional or all men have great control of their emotions. I am just giving a rather general example. There are EXCEPTIONS and I know of some them.

And most women will never have the kind of reflexes that men have. And also, most women will never be able to do things like men do, eg, going to army?

However, not fighting for equality doesn’t imply that women should be treated as slaves. Seriously, what’s up with the Obedience Wives Club?

What about being submissive in the bedroom, obeying your husband and satisfying your husband’s sexual needs such that he will not go out and look for prostitute?! I seriously don’t see how much this will help or contribute to the tackling of prostitution.

This is sending a wrong message. So for example, you have a husband who used to visit prostitute, found out about Obedient Wives Club, decided to come back, and he came back with STD, will you still be that Obedient Wife and obey whatever that he demand?

That example was a bit forceful. Let’s take a look at another scenario then.

You have a wife who is part of the Obedient Wives Club right before marriage. 7 years down the road, or 20/30 years down the road. When she is old and haggard and tired from everything in her life, yet she still try her best to obey her husband and satisfy his sexual needs, do you really really really believe that 20 to 30 years later, the husband will still stay faithful to her? And not go find prostitute? I really doubt so.

So how much can the Club keep men from going to prostitute and tackle prostitute and other sex trafficking issues? The answer? BARE MINIMAL.

One super ugly truth that we women have to face is, we will not be young and youthful and pretty FOREVER and we will always be aging faster than guys and we will definitely get in to menopause earlier than men have theirs. (Yes, men goes through ‘menopause’, they are know as Andropause.)

When women have their menopause, or they age, or they lose their youth, men will go out and look for other women, be it prostitute or just another woman. (Not all the men do that though, and I seriously hope my man will not do that!)

So tell me, how can the Club combat prostitution or other sex related offences?

No offence meant to any religion or whatsoever. Its just the ideas behind the club that doesn’t seems convincing enough.

And one sad truth, women tried for decades or maybe the whole century, hoping to be equal, but we never will be.

Comparing Life now and before

2011-10-12T09:28:00.000+08:00

Having too much free time on hand results in a lot of thinking.

First thing, someone is getting on my nerves. How can someone of that age behave in that way? Shall not comment much.

Secondly, I was reminded of a song that I frequently listened to a couple of months back and now, it still means a lot to me! :D Shall share at the end of this entry if I remember.

Thirdly, the free time that I have on hand resulted in me looking through my past posts. Surprisingly, there wasnt much sad post during those down times. Haha. Maybe I knew something better was coming along? :)

I am finally going to see my love tonight. Tummy, be good please, so I can have my bubble tea tonight. Stop the pain and all the gas!

另一个天堂

你取代这一秒我生命的空白

问题忽然找到答案
不用解释也明白

你的微笑是一个暗号
我能解读那多美好
梦想不大想永远停在这一秒

你为我的世界
重新彩绘

*是你带我找到另一个天堂
远比想象中更美
我们怀抱里的这一个天堂
每一个梦想有无限的快乐

相信你是我的另一个天堂
给的爱多么纯粹
因为你而存在这一个天堂
爱是直达的路线*
因为你而存在这一个天堂
只想陪在你身边

我等待下一刻再相遇的精彩
每天每天越来越爱
多急就这么简单

生命转到同一个频道
定位我的幸福坐标
我多渺小能爱着你才最重要

想把你的
明天仔细翻阅

Repeat **

因为你而存在这一个天堂
只想陪在你身边

Lazy Weekends

2011-10-07T13:39:00.000+08:00

To be exact, the weekend should include Friday.

I am so so bored at work, with practically nothing to do. So looking forward to tonight, movies with friends!

My love is currently out of town and he is forever so sweet with the things he say, never fail to let me laugh at the gadgets in front of me like a idiot -.-

Any, it is a quiet Friday, hardly anyone in the office, no boss, all not around. Everyone doing their own work and while me slacking my time away.

Shall go and check up on my time table again before doing some window shopping online :D

Bored ttm! I should blog surf as well :)

Constantly reminded

2011-10-03T13:15:00.000+08:00

It has always been like that. I always have more male friends than female friends. Maybe it is a concious choice, or maybe it is not, but it seems like it is always easier to hang out with guys who are less petty, less particular about the use of words and the tone of speech.

So like always, there is always frequent chit chat with guy friends and it just constantly remind me of how great my boyfriend is!

Loves. Back to work. Weekend faster come!

Sleepy

2011-10-01T10:20:00.000+08:00

Sleepyhead miss her bed.

Time is passing by soooo slllloooowwwwly. After a whole morning of struggle to stay a wake, it is only 10 am?! What is this man? I need a bed to crush into now.

Went to Orchard yesterday and I got something from love. Spent money again! Oh my god. Haha. :p Dearest bought a Puma bag for me upon my request. haha. He is never unwilling to pay for anything that I want. Shall not exploit him too much though. :p

Anyway, I was hoping that typing this entry will make the time fast forward slightly more. I am totally multi-tasking. Reading Breaking Dawn on PDF, MSN on yet I am no replying, typing out a list of things, which doesnt really make sense.

Hmm. anyway, staying awake and hoping time pass faster with typing blog doesnt really work, My eyes are still being pulled down constantly. Or is it lack of coffee caused this? Hmm.

Love my NEW PUMA BAG! Thanks my Love!

The happiest period of my life so far...

2011-09-29T08:34:00.000+08:00

Last night, we went back to where we were on our first date. The very first true date that we had. Just that this time round it felt so different.

I never know what I signed myself up for when I went into this. Dont know what to expect after being hurt and all. Yet, now I know I was right for whatever that I did. And I am thankful for all the bad and hurtful things that I went through, knowing that without them, I will not be here, having what I have now.

Since that day, there were no occasion that he made me sad. There is always someone there who looks out for me, pick me up, let me do whatever that I want, no matter how much he disagree with me, let me sleep as much as I like and never never finds it a hassle to wake up earlier to get ready just because of me staying over so frequently ~~too frequently~~. He put up with those bad tanturms that I threw when it is near the time of the month, and the way he reacted to it makes me guilty, makes me more concious about my bad temper, hoping that I will be in better control of my emotions. Not to mention, spending money on me, just to let me get what I want. :) This also makes me realise another thing. Life dont need to be full of expensive things. I dont need anything expensive from him, because whatever he had given me in my daily life is more than anything. The frequent calls and always knowing where he is, is the best things that I have ever asked for.

It seems so long already, though it is not. People around us felt the same way too. I love you.

A good time to post

2011-09-16T10:27:00.000+08:00

Doing nothing makes me sleepy and doing something makes me sleepy too. Someone gave me a snack and I feel better now. Thank God. Cant wait for lunch time. TGIF!

A lot of changes

2011-09-04T22:04:00.002+08:00

A lot of changes in my life at the moment, but they are all for good! :)

First, left employment and am now a full time student. Aims to do well in school. Thats the most important thing at the moment.

From the moment I left employment, went on for interview and I got a good offer! Pleasant surprise that I only need to work 5 days in the future! Thats very or rather important! :)

All in all, went on and got a part time job for the holidays while waiting for results to be out!

Just got back from a pleasant getaway with dear and friends! A nice getaway, short and relaxing one. Massage, relax and all. Good sleep most importantly. Just as before, watched National Geo till I fall asleep. Hehe.

I believe that God has his plans for all of us and there is always reasons why we have to go through what we went through. And there is this major part of me looking forward to my future with him. So looking forward to our lifes together and all. So looking forward to my new job in the future!

Thats all folks!

**UPDATED** I was clearing up my past blog posts and realise there is more negative than positive things in the past. I am so glad for what I have now. Deleted 40 posts? For the first time in my life I suppose. Reading those posts makes me feel disgusted that I ever spent time on something. Anyway, shant be mean because God must have his reasons. Waiting for Love to call and time for bed!

Leaving something in Life behind

2011-07-02T12:51:00.001+08:00

I am going to leave something that my life once revolved around behind in another week's time.

Something that for the past 3 years of my life, I have been living with everyday. Spent most of my time on it for the whole 3 years, giving up on gatherings and other hobbies for it. I am finally going to leave it behind.

Did it affect me and made me upset? Yes, tears were involved in this decision making, a lot.

However thoughts always cross my mind to remind me that, this is a painful decision but it is correct.

Painful because I am leaving all the friends behind, friends who were there when I am happy, sad, angry or lost.

Painful because I love what I was doing. I love all the things that I do, the people that I made, the ability to pass information to people, the ability to teach and share knowledge with my friends and colleagues.

Yet, again, I was always, constantly reminded that there is just a limit to how much I can go here.

I know, no matter how much I do, it is never enough. I will never get agreement from other people, I will always be the one who is not good enough, simply because, blame it on myself for not knowing how to impress people.

New people are always, forever better than me. I am never in the same catergory as other Singaporean Chinese. I am always not there.

And I have to accept that things arent that bad for me, monetary wise. Yet again, comparatively, there are people who are getting better. I have no idea how to convince myself totally most of the time. There are things that arent that bad actually.

Yet, most importantly, feedback and reacting to feedback. Life and work is difficult enough, and to make matter worse, people's temperant are affected by whether there is cash or not. And this make people's life difficult. Feedback is always encourage, but ego and pride is the killer to all these feedback because what that managed to improve is just a small part of what was reflected.

It has been a difficult 3 years, and I am glad that I survived with little teaching from my own superiors. It is sad when he is willing to teach others and never you. It is very sad and yet no one knows how bad that felt on my part.

And this decision is difficult as well, sad for me, appearing ok might not mean that much after all. :)

I am not that ok, but not that sad at the moment.

Farewell on Saturday!

Somethings just cant be put into words

2011-03-14T23:18:00.000+08:00

There are some things that just cant be put into words. :)

No words can describe what I feel now. I dont remember ever feeling so thankful for what I have.

And those quiet times that I have are spent thinking about the wonders and how amazing life can be with him.

Just came back from Cameron with dear! Pictures up soon!

Lazy to blog

2011-02-23T16:42:00.003+08:00

I should be studying. I keep wanting to sneeze. -.-

I am going to shower and go school after this entry, for my paper tonight -.-

I miss him! It feels like everything is right and I want things to stay nice and sweet like now :)

I love you.

After CNY

2011-02-14T13:06:00.000+08:00

Time to blog abit about life, now that Chinese New Year is almost over.

Things happened and they are now over. Settled down and with the festives over, it is really time to start working hard again.

And I am glad that I moved on and now I feel blessed to have Him in my life. Someone who is really different and cares a lot a lot.

Get back to work!

Happy Valentines' Day!

Oh Gosh!

2011-01-18T20:51:00.001+08:00

Oh God, I wanted to blog about something and the moment I open this text box, I forgot all about it.

I seriously feel stupid for the fact that I keep checking my phone, and with the stupid button not working well, kill me please.

I seriously need to work. But now, I think I need dinner more.

I have that urge to cut my nails, they are getting weaker and weaker. Cannot imagine I actually peeled off the gel polish. -.- But it is coming off in the first place. ok, it is good, but I have itchy hands.

I feel like going out to loiter. I am so so bored. I should really work hard! Or I shall continue working.

There is classes tomorrow night! Until 9.30pm and I guess my dinner will be Mac again.

I remember what I want to blog about le. I saw the 4th Xiao Qiang on my table. This time round, a smaller one. I shouted and Keith, a new colleague came to attempt to help but the xiaoqiang ran away le. I actually was about to whack it cause it is rather small.

And I changed away most of my passwords. I cant sign on to Facebook on my iphone though and it is irritating me.

I need dinner actually but eating alone is BLAH~!

Shall work! ~~I hope~~

I had alot of dreams last night

2011-01-14T15:45:00.000+08:00

I had a bad night... I thought the Choya will make me sleep better but mixing Honey Choya with 7up resulted in a freaking sweet drink that made me sleepy but cant sleep well.

Maybe I wasnt in a pleasant mood to sleep to begin with... Had a lot of dreams last night. I dont remember almost all of them but I remember just one scene.

Dreams and reality are opposite. So yap... we shall see...

Went to take my retainer. The $500 retainer. Kill me please. It actually hurts to wear.

The bad night and the sleepy morning and the unpleasant appearance spoilt quite a lot of things. And waiting for messages dont make me feel any better.

Alright, time to work!

Teardrops on my guitar

2011-01-13T18:18:00.000+08:00

I know I am abit slow but I realise the following is a nice song!

Drew looks at me

I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without

Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight

'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see

The programming test spoilt my mood and spoilt everything. Heard another song on the drive back to office that spoilt my mood even more...

怎么会这样呢

在我对你毫无怀疑的时候
你告诉我,你要离开我
怎么会这样呢
这样赤裸裸连借口都没有
原来诚实是那么伤人
再说感情也该有些线索
昨天你还那么温柔
谁会看得出
你和她已经那么久
当朋友看这段感情的时候
都觉得我是受害者
分手真的难受
哭了又能如何
我不要自己太软弱
而当你看这段感情的时候
是否也觉得我是受害者
往事历历如昨,我付出那么多
可怜的是你竟一无所有
再说感情也该有些线索
昨天你还那么温柔
谁会看得出
你和她已经那么久
当朋友看这段感情的时候
都觉得我是受害者
分手真的难受
哭了又能如何
我不要自己太软弱
而当你看这段感情的时候
是否也觉得我是受害者
往事历历如昨,我付出那么多
可怜的是你竟一无所有
而当你看这段感情的时候
是否也觉得我是受害者
往事历历如昨,我付出那么多
可怜的是你竟一无所有
往事历历如昨,我付出那么多
可怜的是你竟一无所有

And not to mention, I said Hi to someone and got diao -.- Hello, did I offend you bitch?

warm or cold?

2011-01-11T19:18:00.001+08:00

Something crossed my mind that day when I wad mahjongg at mervyn's house. After the mahjong, went out for early breakfast at 3am and the weather was freaking cold. And something crossed my mind.Will you rather have a boyfriend who is warm by nature and afraid of heat or someone who is afraid of the cold?I am someone afraid of cold. I get cold easily. I once had a boyfriend who gets cold easily as well and then I had one who is afraid of heat. One is always cold so I can never find warmth from him while the other one is always warm when I'm cold. On the other hand, one will sleep with temperature that both him and I can stand while the other one will sleep at 18 degree and me dying from the coldness next to him.So which will you choose?

Ride a bike for the first time!

2011-01-07T00:10:00.000+08:00

I really should not be blogging at this hour. I should either be working hard, or at home sleeping.

Please make me devote my weekend to my work! There are things that needs to be done!

Went to school today, OPEN HOUSE! No lots, not a single one, even in the furthest possible carpark! And even in the weirdest possible place, no space to even slot the car in illegally.

So at the end, parked at the HDB next to school... and WALKED TO SCHOOL!

About 5 minutes? At the end of lesson, made someone gave me a ride! And sat on a bike for the first time in my life. Rain and wearing skirt, with lappy and heavy bag, not a good combination at all. But thanks to Chaqif! I made it to the car without walking and sweating! My bag was freaking heavy!

I believe that a guy must be able to drive. I can never never never stand my future bf not driving! And riding a bike make me realise that there needs to be even more trust! You need to trust the rider to be his pillion. ALOT!

Today was a small bike. Got change try big bike! It feels good!

Going home! Sleep!

results

2011-01-06T13:41:00.001+08:00

Marine engineering knowledge 77/100 :(Applied mechanic 46/50Electric circuit 98/100Programming 100/100Mathematics two (calculus) 75/100Omg

MST!

2011-01-05T18:04:00.000+08:00

I am going to blog about Mid Sem Test!

Electric Circuit, 98/100
Applied Mechanics 46/50
Dip plus Maths 75/100
Programming is 100 but next thursday got another test!
Marine Engineering Knowledge will be back tomorrow!

Ok, I am hungry.

Went to meet up with Mira, Gina and Joyce yesterday. Had Sushi Tei at Tampines One and it wasnt as expensive as I thought it will be. Anyway, after that we went to Mira and Malcom's New House. Pretty and nice and warm house, and it makes me feel like having my own place to call home too! C= oops.

Haha I should be paying attention in class.

Alone in the office

2011-01-04T18:58:00.000+08:00

And once again, I am alone in the office again. And while waiting for the guys to come for your pay, I feel alone again.

Life is good these days and happy and fun and now that I cut the wires in my mouth and they are not cutting me anymore, I should laugh even more. Hmm.

Hungry, I should have taken my lunch! Going to the east again.

My New Year Eve

2011-01-02T21:59:00.000+08:00

It wasnt as bad as how I expect it to be. In fact, the weekend was a blast!

The past week was spent at a client place and going out for lunches and going every other places in Tuas! Then come Friday, which I had an audit, followed by lunch at Science Centre Sakura, where most people went.

I was tired of the food there though. So I didnt really eat much. But people like Andy and Mervyn ate a hell lot. Haha. Went off with Mervyn to Tuas first to send reports and send men. Heard that people went off and threw Sabrina there to wait for Andy only, inside joke.

Then it was waiting for time to pass, leaving office only at 5.30pm to Pasir Ris Downtown East Kbox. -.- Had my Gelare Waffle Ice cream after so long! But that resulted in wasting my dinner at kbox. -.-

Went to sing then, and from 2 people, become dont know how many people la haha.

Know new people like YiHui, Benson and I finally got Sharifah's boyfriend name! I feel bad. Haha.

Drank till 3? Seh... Benson drove the car out to the public carpark and took a cab back!

Slept till 9, woke up with a bad headache. Fall back to sleep again and my ma woke me up for food at 1? Finished brunch and went to Tampines to do my nails!

I did Gel polish on my fingernails! Bought a package. oh my god. Broke! The gel polish looks pretty, and it is suppose to last. :)

After that, went to pasir ris, got the car and went to Jasmine house. Played with her kids, I felt out of place actually. Haha.

Went to Nex. A stupid and over-rated place! The stupid car park is one way, and the signage is so easy to miss. I missed the ramp twice! And having to reverse and all. -.- Both Jasmine and I didnt see the signs! Got a lot in the end, had our dinner at the crowded place and then went to Hougang to meet up with Mervyn and gang.

Played mahjong at Gordon's place, with Meiling (Gordon's wife), Adam, Adrian, Ryan, Mervyn, and the rest I dont remember liao! Played two rounds. Was expecting myself to lose, but I didnt! haha.

Finished and had food and reached home around 4 plus. -.-

Slept till 3! Went to roam around and now, back in office to blog. No coffee kaki! Sharifah pangseh me! Haha.

School is starting tomorrow! Looking forward to it! I want my results!

The qualities of a boyfriend

2010-12-30T18:43:00.000+08:00

Something that I was discussing with Jasmine last night. So many things to say, but the things are always changing time to time. I blog about this before! I guess, with Love, everything change! Nothing matters anymore.

Place my blog address on facebook! Random.

Waiting for time to pass. So here I am to blog.

Everything is finally finally over. And I really mean it. Moving on. I guess thats just so me.

It is difficult for me to make a decision on something, but once I decided, I will be determined! And I am out of it!

Ok, back to the title.

A boyfriend should give you his shoulder to cry on.
A boyfriend should be gentleman (I think)
A boyfriend should be caring (Jasmine think)
A boyfriend should not let you wait too much
A boyfriend should try to have dinner with me (I hate dining alone =C)
A boyfriend should be thoughtful (Jasmine think)
and the list just goes on and on and on...

I am bored! So I shall not continue.

I have to agree, it is easy to fall in love but difficult to stay in love. Let me think where should I go tomorrow night.

for a reader who dont read anymore

2010-12-27T01:17:00.001+08:00

There are so many things to say and yet the one that this was meant for never read anymore.It is not easy, not even now. But it shouldn't hurt anymore ba. I hope. Thinking of whatever that they might be doing now and the time that they are spending together.Convince me that he wasn't that good afterall and he isn't the better one that I deserved like he said before. When will I meet the one for me?

a trip went wrong

2010-12-26T00:19:00.001+08:00

I was so looking forward to the trip and it all went wrong! I was looking forward to driving, to the place, and I even packed my bag and all! Argh

Everything is over

2010-12-25T15:09:00.001+08:00

A love story that lasted for two years. There are memories that one forget and people around you rememebers. Whatever things that were once there is no longer there and will never be there again. I guess it is just another lesson learnt.

It was a long journey, not a happy one, painful in one way or another for anyone. Yet, love kept us going. It was love that puts up with all the nonsense and holding on, hoping that one day, something will be different. Yet this shows something else, how much love there is.

Lets stand by the belief that you love and take someone the way he or she is, not someone whom you want him or her to be two years down the road.

There is really no factors to determine who is better in relationship, and no way to determine who is at fault in a relationship.

Remember the days when time is always spent together. Always know where is the other party, always knows where to find him or her, how he could be found simply by calling my phone to look for him. How the bears once looks cute together in the car. How going to places that I never knew existed was interesting. How waiting for each other for meals is nothing but normal. How bringing me out to run arrears is normal duing work hours. How going down for breakfast is normal as well.

Was it the way the society was that made things changed? The stress from work and school made things turn out differently. How it is troublesome to inform where you are, how troublesome to have the bears falling all the time, how difficult it is to reply SMSes, how time is spent in office at work instead of outside, how dinner is starting to be a alone stuff, how bringing me out is no longer possible during work hours, how breakfast is time spent with someone else.

Things that I once wanted badly two years ago didnt happen these two years, was it because there wasnt enough love or just that the love was different? I kept asking myself that because I couldnt accept either one answer.

The flyer was the dream two years back and it became a burden on me, me having to plan, organise, inform and then subsequently turning up for it. I never do it, because of the uncertainty and also because I wanted the surprise maybe.

Fireworks was my favourite and yet I can no longer demand because of the hassle to go and park and the timing and all.

For all the things that I can never imagine myself living with, I lived with it. I lived with no SMSes, no movies, no concern, barely care, no talking on the phone, frequent arguments, bad temper, easily irritated self. I lived with it, maybe subconciously believing that I loved him so I can live with all of those.

I always had this struggle within me for being demanding and understanding. Demand for more time alone, yet have to be understanding that he is busy. Demand for replies, yet have to be understanding that he is replying other smses the whole day and it is tiring for him. Demanding for him to let me know where he is, yet have to be understanding that he is always everywhere. Demanding him to bring me along, yet have to be understanding that both his and my job nature no longer allows that.

I wonder did I not love him enough? I really really did wonder. I regret for things that I could have done, but then again, I wasnt sure whether it is right to do things that way and all. I cant convince myself whether I loved him alot to put up with all of his or I didnt love him enough to lead things to where they are now.

Whatever it is, I only hope that I really moved on. I am still worried of having spare time to myself, worry of whatever that might happen. That is the fact that I never really admit to anyone else until now.

Like the title of this blog as always, Life Moves On.

Thanks for the love.

现在的我

2010-12-24T18:20:00.001+08:00

现在的我又错了。我想起了他。

I hope the song...

2010-12-23T13:33:00.000+08:00

I hope the song describe what he went through... I hope the song describe what he felt...

For all of the time that i tried for your smile

For making you think that i was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love love love made us blind
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And I’m So sorry for...
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by
For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when i fled the scene
sorry love,for wasting your time
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
I’m so sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And apology now after all of this time
Won’t make my difference tonight
But I’m hoping I’m Sorry will open your mind
To love love love love in your life
Sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry do can’t turn back time
I’m sorry that i loved you
I’m sorry that i hurt you
I’m so sorry that i loved you
I’m sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i loved you

Maybe he didnt. C= But it is ok.

Nights are sometimes unbearable

2010-12-16T18:19:00.000+08:00

Let tonight be the last night that I am doing wrong things :)

Put make up tonight. The weather makes it good, or maybe with the facial wash my face is stable enough for this now. :) Good good. Continue tomorrow!

I was thinking about the 3 or 4 years ago 'Me'. Walking around in jeans and baggy tee, who will think that I will wear dresses one day? Haha. And I did. :)

Sent the car to the tyre shop to check on the wheels and woohoo! It is doing fine now, although there is still slight vibration but yap yap, it is alright. :) Free! Good tyre shop who takes good care of tyre sold by them, with a nice boss!

Dinner coming, thrilled! Alright, got to work. and tomorrow need to take exam! Tada.

history

2010-12-15T01:02:00.001+08:00

I let history repeated itself. I caused what happened 2.5 years ago happen again. I didn't do things right again. I really tout I was better!

Christmas Tree!

2010-12-14T23:50:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow :) hmm. lets see. haha I want to see Christmas Tree!

Something strike me...

2010-12-14T18:50:00.000+08:00

As a joke...

Haha. Friday was a sinful day because I gave myself time off to let myself be a student for the day. I watched friends Bball, went for KOI bubble tea.

That few hours of carefree student life. Something that I learnt to appreciate and cherish and treasure.

But I have no idea how being with someone can take all these away from me. I choose this path myself, to not study well when I can, to work, and to study and work. It is tiring. Not very tiring. Fulfilling.

always tempted

2010-12-13T23:43:00.001+08:00

Always tempted to get a wallet. But what am I going to do with the wristlet when I get a wallet? Wonder

人

2010-12-09T03:32:00.002+08:00

其实我很想他，但是我不想再做那个在乎的人。我妒嫉，妒嫉在你身旁的不是我。她轻易，容易地在你周围，而我就算有再在多的心，也只有那么多的力。有时不的不承认，作的永远比说的难。人生！

Someone told me ...

2010-12-09T00:47:00.000+08:00

Someone told me that I should be doing sales. hahaha. Not bad. Haha.

Hmm. sleepy all these days. And I want to have now is good bubble tea. Badly.

funny

2010-12-08T12:55:00.001+08:00

Told me that u r feeling warm and the next moment u tell me to go up first while u stay there. I don't understand. U just have to wait for her I suppose. Go ahead, stick together

It strikes once again

2010-12-06T12:09:00.000+08:00

So it happened once again last night:
--"What time you waking up tomorrow?"
-"Erm, 7.45."
--"What paper tomorrow?"
-"No paper tomorrow."
--"Then why you wake up so early?"
-"Work la, you think I very free ah?"
--"Can you dont end off with that? It irritate alot of people."
-"So who it irritate? You?"
--"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up..."
-"Do I look like I am very free all the time?"
--"No, but there are times that you are free. shut up, shut up..."

So i decided to shut up. hoping that she will realise that those portions of my time that I am free is just a small percentage of the time that she spent on watching movie and gaming on her lappy.

Ridiculous. Let it be.

Working alone

2010-12-02T18:46:00.000+08:00

Actually I should be used to working alone right? I mean, I have always most of the time been working alone? Hmm.

But the sight of people downstairs having dinner together before meeting make me feel out of place. So I came up to my own little corner. I feel like crying. Maybe it is just too many things all at once. But actually nothing happened really.

I wonder, did I love my work before because of you? If not then why I dont seem to like it now? Or just that I have an alternative, something to compare, and I realise that studying is so much better?

conclusion

2010-12-02T13:02:00.001+08:00

Working on the go is IMPOSSIBLE! -.- a right click on a drawing will take 5 seconds for the menu to come up. And 2 reports took me 1 hour. Goodness.

Someone told me...

2010-12-01T00:27:00.001+08:00

Someone told me that I am strong. Very strong. But do I want to be the way I am now? Do I want to be strong?

Sometimes it just gets so lonely that I dont even feel like going to bed, so lonely that I dont even feel like smiling and be happy, so lonely that the slightest concern can move me. But sadly, that concern is never from the right people.

No one will understand the effect of chocolate on me. Someone gave me chocolate today, it brighten my day for a while. Quite a while.

For the second time in 4 days, I have to order food, planning to have it in the restaurant, changed to take away at the very last min... No seats and I am alone.

"Will he reply?" is what cross my mind everytime I send him something, msn, SMS. And it is always so difficult to keep a conversation. I think it is difficult when one doesnt want to talk.

Study!

I want to watch fireworks. Maybe it is time to take some time alone. New year eve :) I hope.

im tired

2010-11-27T00:29:00.001+08:00

I feel that I have done alot of school work these days.Had some issues over money. I don't feel right anywhere. Or maybe in school. That's the happiest place now. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm not heard or u r just not paying attention to what I said. Sometimes I wonder whether is it only me who is not getting reply or just anyone else. I said the unit number is going smaller but u didn't hear or didn't believe and u went on to verify. I feel tired of doing well. Say I'm like my dad. I never see the need to save. I'm not doing enough but I'm giving up. Can I don't be good anymore?Did u see me trying to save money by wearing shoes and clothes that the others bought but don't wear? I can don't do that. Did u see that I'm helping out with housework when u r not around but the others aren't doing anything when they are the more free ones? Did u see me stop spending money on facial and pedicure? Did u see me stop buying shoes and not even getting myself a new wallet? What am I doing all these for when ultimately someone just tell me that I'm not doing enough? You never even ask how much more I owe my dentist. For the sake of the presents I'm even contemplating to not go to the dentist next month because I know I don't have enough. I'm not happy. What's the point? What's the point when I feel that no one is there? Maybe just one other person now but then again, no one will understand.

Sometime ago

2010-11-13T12:46:00.001+08:00

Sometime ago I tweet, is it weird for me to be around or more weird for me to be not around.

I rather you just tell me that the car has no space, which I totally believe and totally agree to, than to tell me that it is weird for me to be around.

And now, if I dont ask, you wouldnt tell me that you are having lunch with her parents? No need to tell me? Not when you know that I mind? Whatever. Not important.

PS. It wasnt that bad afterall, come to think again. To know or not to know doesn't pain me anymore.

Can I be a normal employee?

2010-11-13T12:43:00.000+08:00

Can I be a normal employee who knocks off on time, works OT sometimes and only on some days?

So what if I dont mess up my work, so what if I complete my work, there are still people who think that I am not performing. So crap.

So which is which?

2010-11-09T18:37:00.000+08:00

I guess I was overly affected by what happened last thursday. I had a bad cry on Friday night in the office.

Yes, you never read wrongly, I was in the office on Friday! I stayed and worked till 12 plus. And it was a diappointing night that ended off with a not-too-bad drink at Bukit Timah.

So I was asking, is being busy a sign of inefficiency or just plainly too much things and too little time?

I kept thinking of that conversation during the ride. But I realise I couldnt remember what was the conclusion and what is the situation? If only things were different and if only they stick to what I planned.

Maybe this is just a crisis at work for just ME only.

I am tired.

planning ahead

2010-11-09T00:42:00.001+08:00

Sometimes some people are just meant to do one thing and not the other. Sometimes I hope that the boyfriend is someone less reserved. Someone more daring with his love. :) sleeping time

sad truth

2010-11-07T22:10:00.001+08:00

I realized a sad truth today. I'm still the same old me. Paranoid, insecure, emotional and all the other negativity. Sad for me. And painful to admit. Maybe this lonely Sunday night is the cause.

am i on track?

2010-11-07T03:05:00.001+08:00

Look at the time. I'm tired. I was watching Korea video. Watching them makes me feel like loving more, be with someone more. I wonder whether I'm on track. I wonder whether I'm learning. I want good grades and I want a loving bf and I want things to go on smoothly. Can I have all three for Christmas? Santa please. That's all I need. Can they fit into a sock? :pTime to bed. And more drawing of valves tomorrow! I love shopping in furniture shops! It is just nice to walk around, with no negative emotions. :)Thank God!

rarr rarr

2010-11-04T15:25:00.001+08:00

Crazyday. To come to programming without battery and without charger. If only I check. If only I drove. I told her to ask jasmine to book. And to get shouted when I tried to borrow from the useless sister. Bastard

Thats just an expression

2010-11-03T15:31:00.001+08:00

Try putting lack of sleep, work, homework and some trouble at work into a mixer. What do you get? Frustration. So do just let me shout about it with a co-worker to vent it. FOR THAT MOMENT ONLY!

love the iphone

2010-11-02T01:17:00.001+08:00

Love the iPhone to the max. The ease that I have. Time to take a break! 休息是为了走更远的路。I feel touched and proud of myself at this moment. :) so touched that I can cry. Touched that I was given this chance. :) and so touched that I managed to take that step. And I don't want a lonely Christmas. :) and I need a holiday. Thank god it is a short week! I can get my much awaited swim! Yawn. Sleep time.

Thank God

2010-10-24T18:09:00.000+08:00

I was facebooking and blog hopping around some of the few blogs that I always read. And as always, I will go facebook and check up on some people, usually people who were once in my life.

Reading information off blogs and looking at pictures on facebook, for one moment, I thank God for what I have now. I cannot imagine it being different.

Great that I am where I am now. :) Not some where else.

Steamboat later with L and his family! Maybe coffee with qg tonight. Maybe I should practice my Maths tutorial? :p

Classmates agree that lecturers should force us to finish up our maths tutorial and hand them in for grading! But they dont.

Back to work!

dream

2010-10-21T08:12:00.001+08:00

I dreamt of the boyfriend a couple days back. It wasn't a bad dream like before. In the dream, the boyfriend held my hand and took me to somewhere that looks like esplanade. And he kissed me and everything else was good. And that day I had a dream. I dreamt of cockroach and i jumped off the bed in real life. And whatever that I dreamt recently made it difficult to fall asleep last night. I remembered that time when I didn't hold on to that pair of hands at the reservoir and how the songs bring back memories and how someone told me that there is one firefly. I'm missing everything badly

Amount of things to be done

2010-10-19T15:07:00.002+08:00

Can I complain about the things that needs to be done on my list? Can I complain about the things to be taken care of here?

I am so F***ED up now. Feeling vexed.

I need to talk to people, but I guess every other one around me have just the exact same sentiments as me and are just as vex. A couple of them I suppose.

The first class that I skipped for this sem, how great. But it is the first week after all.

crazy

2010-10-19T10:13:00.001+08:00

When she went down to ask for those stuff that she wanted, I was downstairs. And I remembered saying that I have those things that she need but I will nee to amend. But she never even acknowledge whatever that I said.This morning, people called and asked me for the things. Can I act blur and don't produce anything since no one told me anything? I should right!But I didn't. Two projects to clear and other stuff to clear

So whatever

2010-10-11T21:50:00.000+08:00

First thing first, EVERYONE, ok, most people like to joke about the things I comment and maybe I should take pride in bringing Laughter.

But then, I do mind being joked by someone whom I know for less than 3 months! Hello~! WHO ARE YOU?!

And please, I dont mind it when you joke, but i mind when other non-related and not-involved people join in your fun.

Some things are just very subjective, like colour of the car that you had and all those. AND the impression that I had that most cars in THAT car park is black. Please go and count, BLACK confirm dominate.

And hello, so she know more about your car, more sensitive to colour, more sensitive to whatever that you said? The bloody truth? She have more time for them!

so stop acting like you know me very well, because you dont, we only know each other for less than 3 months. And stop talking like you told me before, because there is just so much that I know.

Dont sound like you told me

2010-10-10T14:44:00.000+08:00

Please dont sound like you told me EVERYTHING, because you didnt. Just because sub-conciously you remembered you told someone, or to be more exact, you remembered you telling a girl, doesnt mean that person is ME, because it is not.

I didnt know of anything. I didnt know that you had physio, I didnt know that you dropped your car in the showroom and I didnt know that this morning you had training because you never tell me anything. So when I asked, please dont reply me in the I-told-you-already or how-come-you-dont-know tone.

steamboat

2010-10-08T17:15:00.001+08:00

Had steamboat yesterday and it made me want to work harder! I want to increase my GPA. Feels difficult! HmmSometimes it is sad and angry to know about things of your boyfriend from other peoples mouth. But after that moment of anger, I realize that getting angry just because I want him to know that I mind. Getting angry all the time just because I want attention but I guess that it isn't going to work anyway. So no point getting angry and getting the attention because it doesn't really mean anything. Waiting to get into the plant and I'm hungry! Hmm. What should I have for dinner? HahaStarting school soon! Have to catch enough sleep so I don't sleep in class! This holiday is over in the wink of an eye. And please someone remind me that I have to apply for my GEM this Monday!

hmm.

2010-10-04T16:07:00.000+08:00

This morning, a message came in. 3.955 GPA. hmm. It could have been better actually. But it is very good already.

Should I go? I asked myself. And then I decided to go. Then I asked, what time we going? Not going le...
HELLO! Can you all like at least inform me?! Felt so idiot.

Hmm. I want to knit, I want to read, I want to do cross stitch.

God have his way

2010-09-30T22:40:00.001+08:00

So many things happened these days but everyone is still kept busy and the job is being spread out. Haha. God really have his way. (: bless my dear.

blog

2010-09-29T14:58:00.001+08:00

Shall blog while waiting for the guys to come out. Hmm. Realise something recently. I suppose it is the level of maturity that matters. I can't be finding for those kind of teenage love out of what I have now. I should grow up! Someone is in India!

Something today

2010-09-27T15:44:00.000+08:00

Something that happened today made me realise the need to be optimistic.

Whatever that happened the past week threw all the efforts down the drain. And today, nothing happened is the fact that made me realise that being optimistic is more important than anything.

so many things

2010-09-25T23:02:00.001+08:00

There is always so many things to SMS. But the sad truth is, I never get long SMS. I hate short replies and I hate no replies before. But I changed. I changed to accept.

worse drive

2010-09-25T20:35:00.001+08:00

That was the worse drive back. From office to lawrence house on a Saturday. I was so drowsy from the medicine. And I was so careful but everything seems so blur and so not true. Oh my.

Once upon a time

2010-09-25T18:10:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, someone once told me something to convince me that things are suppose to be the way he said it should be.

Today, it reminded me how I used to spend my weekends when he is not around. Saturday is suppose to be days spent on catching up on sleep. And weekdays are just so busy with classes after classes, night class and driving lesson.

I was so alone then that I turned back to JD, hoping that there is someone who can talk to me. I didnt admit that before to anyone. No one knew about this and I suppose it is really stupid then.

I needed someone around me. Today, I remembered how to spend my weekends. But I also remembered how someone once knew that I was lonely but yet I am alone now again.

It is nice to knit and finish things up. Oh no, I am hungry.

Am I making sense? You can be alone but not lonely. I am not lonely.

Someone

2010-09-24T10:31:00.000+08:00

Family members think she is 'fake'. Not 'fake' in a bad way, but rather, she might not be as nice as she protray herself to be.

So what was she thinking when she sms me, telling me to remind my boyfriend to bring his passport? Why didnt she sms him directly? Was she trying to let me know that she know more about him, know more about his needs, or just plainly, want another person to remind him?

What puzzled me was, why cant she sms him directly and why didnt she want to sms him directly? maybe she really just wanted another person to remind him.

Sick again. another time in less than 2 months. Not pleasant. I slept the whole day yesterday at the boyfriend's house. A nice place to sleep. Quite and no disturbance.

It has been long

2010-09-03T18:42:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I last post. It is good, it just means that everything is fine. Whatever that occur here are hardly good stuff anyway, and I will hardly be in a pleasant mood when I start to post. And thats why I am here now.

I have work to do, but I am feeling plain lazy, knowing that even if I start, I cant finish it now, so might as well dont start. I shall do it over the weekend.

And it really take so much to stay happy, take so much to be ok about things, only to realise that deep down, there is still someone who affects you so so much.

I was browsing on facebook and I remembered another date, important date of my life. Okies, lets move on. Haas

I am sleepy and my eyes are uncomfortable. I suppose it is the eye liner. It irritates my eyes.

And once again, it is just me that is unsure about things and that doesnt require any assurance at all. Who am I afterall?

Sometimes, when the right feeling comes, nothing can be done to it right?

Useless

2010-08-31T11:24:00.000+08:00

No one ever taught me that we have to take different role, take different approach when it comes to handling certain people. Nobody taught me that I cant do the same things as you do and I have to speak to them in another way.

But things doesnt help when I have such a bad morning and the next moment, that person came to me. I tell myself I will talk to her nicely but all she does was just 'shout' at me. You will only understand when you sit there.

I wonder why am I allowing myself to go through all those when the person sitting infront of me is just a supplier? But I know that I can never get that same price else where. So after putting up, I cry. Stupid and useless but thats about it.

How...

2010-08-31T09:18:00.002+08:00

No one teach me and the next time I am just being labelled as being weird.

坚强

2010-08-25T22:06:00.001+08:00

今天有人告诉我，我要坚强，不可以有半点垮下的现象。这样我才能勇敢，才能配的上。可是我可以不要勇敢了吗？因为我怕。我怕当我学会了，我还是会一个人。原来，要选择离开比什么都来的困难。可是，也忘了，曾几何时，沉默变成了我们的沟通方式。

The Irreplaceable One

2010-08-25T10:21:00.000+08:00

Do you believe that there is always this irreplaceable one in your life, with an attachment that is irreplaceable?

I was once told that, and I once believed in that. The inability to imagine life without someone might be the reason that made me believe in it then.

But over the days, I realised that this kind of bond or attachment might have the chance of being replaced.

I remembered those days when everything seems right and now, desperately trying to find out what is wrong and putting everything back into place, hoping that I will have enough time for all of that to happen.

I remembered how it felt to be afraid of someone, frightened by the fact that I am going out with that person. How the moment we meet up, the moment we start to talk, I am like giving all sorts of information, like 交待-ing. It was so pretty obvious to the one listening but not to me, only at the end of the whole conversation did I realise what I have been doing and it felt like a total embarrassment.

I remembered how I will make sure that I have something in my hand or I tucked my hand somewhere that couldn’t be reached. How I stand far on the other side of the lift on the way up. How I always hope that I will not meet any red light that I have to stop or any long red light.

But then some things are just meant to be. On a day that was so important to someone, I probably made it the worst day ever. Compared to whatever fear I felt with another person, the idea of living with someone else who I cannot comprehend was so much worse. It was once comfortable but when it is not, and I start to compare when we are not alone but with other people, I decided that this wasn’t what I want. Not the kind of event I will like to turn up in, not the kind of people that I can imagine myself hanging out with, not the kind of situation I will like to put myself into, not the kind of feeling that I wanted myself to be in. I don’t want to be with a group of people, older than me but not in thinking wise. It makes feel that I am moving back instead of forward.

There was no love then I suppose. The painful truth there and then was that. There might be once feelings of thrill and crush that teenagers have but not love, for either one, at that moment.

It might be just something for my lonely soul then. But things didn’t go well when things start to drain energy away. Maybe going back to something familiar then was the better alternative. Like the saying goes, it is always better to be with someone who loves you more than you love him.

Something just made me realised the fact that then, whatever choice I made was just the best of the two alternatives. And yes, with time, love can blossom. But by then, everything seems too late.

先入为主

2010-08-25T09:41:00.000+08:00

先入为主。
1. 以为先接受的思想或形成的印象是正确的,不容易再听取不同的意见。即怀有成见

I supposed that was what happened over the phone on Monday night.

The opposites

2010-08-25T09:38:00.000+08:00

Opposites do attract.

I once thought that lying next to someone I love is warm, but turns out it is not how I thought it will be.
I was once glad that I found warmth. Once. I really mean physically.

And with expectation, comes disappointment. I should be immuned to them by now. Should be, I have to be.

And the dream on Monday night, I rather I didnt dream. Because waking up to nothing, is the worst situation anyone can be in. At least I didnt dream last night, though I had the urge to go over every night.

Wake up!

Something brewing...

2010-08-23T17:47:00.001+08:00

Something is in the process

Bad Day

2010-08-20T09:44:00.003+08:00

A rainy morning, a bad jam, a bad drive to work, and to realise that the computer doesnt have sound, and needs to reboot, to realising that the gold ring on my table is gone.

It is gold in colour but it doesnt mean it is real gold IDIOTS! Ungrateful bastards.

Super pissed. I am to blame for leaving it there but then again, why steal?!

And if I dont even have $10, why would I ask him to wait for me to be back. So what if that is all that I am left with? Blame it on shopping. Too much shopping. But that comment was totally unnecessary. Not like I like the fact that I am broke.

What a day...

2010-08-18T21:50:00.000+08:00

What a day. I am feeling so warm now. Oh my...

Hmm. There was something that I wanted to blog about and I forgot about what it is all about. There is so many things that I go through my mind all day about what I should blog about but at the end of the day, I forgot all about it. Oh my.

But... hmm... so many things crossed my mind today. Doing so many things and all the time driving, so many time to think. Haha. so many things went pass my mind. Haha.

Shall go knit.

珍惜

2010-08-18T09:45:00.000+08:00

人通常都要等到失去了才来紧张，才来后悔和想学如何珍惜。
这样的事实好痛好残酷。我还在学。但我已经开始害怕，怕这一切都太晚了。
我想在新年再去看焰火。这次，我们两个人就好。

A happy day

2010-08-16T09:47:00.000+08:00

总的来说，昨晚是一个蛮开心的一晚。

And for now, I am sleepy. Is it true that I can no longer live without the car? Hmm. Or is it just another habit that one have to get rid of? hmm. Something to ponder over.

Shall try to study tonight. Hmm.

Should I stay in the office or should I go home and study?

Today is 七七情人节.

Sometimes, I just hope that I dont try so hard to be good and right all the time. I will remember that smile when I opened the violin. Should I call that a laugh? haha. That makes my day.

at night

2010-08-15T11:00:00.001+08:00

At night, when all i see, he is just a tired man who needs some comfort and someone to make him feel better. And I suppose that's all that I can do. And maybe that's why I wanna be around at night. And that's the time that I love him the most. Because there is no more energy for anything else.

too desperate

2010-08-14T18:25:00.001+08:00

I realise I'm desperately trying to be part of someone's life. So desperate that I end up looking like an idiot because the things I do are never relevant and never up to date because I am never informed. Fuck it. I should stop this shit

sleepyhead

2010-08-14T15:12:00.001+08:00

Had lunch with the boyfriend, or rather he pei me eat. And now I'm sleepy. And the cough coming back. :(

IRRITATED!

2010-08-14T09:42:00.001+08:00

FUCKING HELL!

It is so very crude but nothing can explain the feeling and the amount of frustration now other than that word or another way will be to kill myself to vent it.

Get me out of all these shit.

Totally ridiculous and horrendous and to top it all off, I have this TAMADE craving for macdonalds breakfast which I fail to realise that L is going to central. But I suppose it doesnt really matter cause he will never know I want to eat. ARGH. KILL ME PLEASE~!

dropped

2010-08-14T00:12:00.001+08:00

I dropped a bead from the winnie casing. And the Winnie casing is cracking. :( I think it is the vibration of the car lor. :(And I drank a bottle of beer. Seh but feel good. My eyes pain pain. :(

To drive or not to drive

2010-08-13T21:53:00.001+08:00

People envy that I can drive. That I can go places as and when I like.But I rather hope that I don't know how to drive. When you want to drive, no one send you home, no one send you up to your house, no one visit your house, and most importantly, no more talking opportunity to talk because you are hardly in the same car.So much time, but the things being talke about is even less than a friend met once a week I suppose. Shit. I want to read! :)

interesting picture

2010-08-13T16:10:00.002+08:00

Saw this interesting picture from someone's blog... It is so true

How to say it out?

2010-08-13T09:57:00.001+08:00

I felt ridiculous yesterday when I was trying to suggest to him about something. That fear that I had before I even asked. And after I asked, he sort of 'rejected' me, not seeming to know what I was trying to drive at... But I think it didnt really matter to him.

And waking up together, coming to work together, he is hungry, I should be too. and today is just another day that he didnt bother to ask. There are days that he asked.
The senerio below:
H: 'Shift your car to the back, let him park infront, becareful, got pipe behind'
M: 'Ok, like that enough for him to park?'
H: 'You move back somemore la'
M: 'But you say behind got pipe? -.-'
After all these, the other car doesnt want to shift. So H came back to the car, took his bag, with me still sitting in the driver seat, with the ignition on, leg still on the foot brake, and H was about to walk off.
M: 'So ok liao la?'
H: 'Ya'

What the hell? and he doesnt talk to me after that, but the next moment he is happily talking to someone else. Everyone else pissed him off now except her I suppose. Yes, please say it is jealousy, like I care. -.- Did I step on your tail?

Repeatedly trying to be good and nice, but the next morning, whatever that I did was plain shit.

I am just an easy target for you to vent your frustration. Admit it.

More blogging and twittering

2010-08-12T16:39:00.000+08:00

I think I am blogging so super often that it makes it looks more like a twitter instead le.

Someone asked me... How can you stand.....?

I think it is love. Who asked why I was constantly unhappy? Hmm. Maybe the answer is...

And I am super hungry now la...

For one moment

2010-08-12T14:35:00.000+08:00

For one moment, I thought I was going to get scolded again. Black face :( scary. Who understand. I didnt lose the thing this time round

I want to read! :D

Great Books

2010-08-12T09:41:00.000+08:00

I got some great books from the library. Tony Parsons
Man And Boy - About Tony Parsons bringing up his son as a single dad suddenly
My Favourite Wife - About marriage
Stories We Could Tell - I not sure what it is about. But I am quite sure that it will be great
I cant remember the other title.

I cried before sleeping last night, I cried when I was driving last night, it felt very bad. Hmm. I guess I need a shoulder. I remember how I sat downstairs of my house, crying, trying to find a solution. And now, I am crying trying to find a solution for the decision made then.

I wanted to go home last night. I have no clothes to wear, so ended up, I am dress quite shabby for audit today.

And I am hungry. Very hungry.

Shall go work.

爱越深，恨越多

what a day

2010-08-11T22:26:00.001+08:00

I'm getting angry and I feel like hating. Hmm. I have to go back and work later. Haha. The late night is to compensate for my playing and enjoyment. :)

love it

2010-08-10T23:33:00.001+08:00

Love it when the boyfriend ask me where I am. :)

What is left?

2010-08-10T16:50:00.000+08:00

What is left?
The 'We' no longers includes me.
Working late into the night is only left with me, and the 'We' is someone else.
Writing something, constantly looking up to check the chat window is what I am constantly doing.

There is always something there that I am thinking, and hoping, and wanting to have. But hmm... what is left?

Hong Kong

2010-08-10T15:18:00.000+08:00

How I wish it is always holiday... just came back from hong kong. bought a lot of things. spent a lot of money. realise i am broke. and realise that i hope that everyday is holiday.

Sometimes, there are things in life that needs to be sacrificed. I onced sacrificed Love for Work, then Family for Love sub-conciously then Family for Work, and maybe Work for Love sub-conciously again.

Does the statement make sense?

How I wish everyday is holiday...

I am very tired. Very tired from all the nonsense. How does it feels to fly high and fall hard.

I love the time at night when we talk in bed before we sleep.

Ridiculous

2010-08-10T12:24:00.000+08:00

I had enough of all those ridiculous dreams. Once, I dreamt my boyfriend marrying another girl. And last night I dreamt of my boyfriend doing something else weird and... Argh~! I hate this. -.-

Maybe this is the one that is energy draining.

it has been a while

2010-08-05T23:29:00.001+08:00

已经一个多月了。有点不知所措。怎么办好呢？谁能来点一盏灯来指引我？I'm hungry. And I'm still stuck with drawing. -.- it better come out the same thing tomorrow! Haha

Got from someone's blog

2010-08-04T15:00:00.002+08:00

45 Things Girls Love But Won't Ask For

1. Touch her waist.

2. Actually talk to her.

3. Share secrets with her.

4. Give her your jacket.

5. Kiss her slowly.

6. Hug her.

7. Hold her.

8. Laugh with her.

9. Invite her somewhere.

10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

11. Smile with her.

12. Take pictures with her.

13. Pull her onto your lap.

14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.

15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.

16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.

17. Kiss her unexpectedly.

18. Hug her from behind around the waist.

19. Tell her she's beautiful.

20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.

22. Tell her she's your everything - only if you mean it.

23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her

24. Make her feel loved.

25. kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!!!!*

26. don't lie to HER.*

27. DON'T cheat on her.*

28. take her ANYWHERE she wants

29. txt messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.

30. be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.*

31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too.

32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.*

33. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).*

34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.

35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her.

36. When people DISS her, stand up for her.*

37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.*

38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.

39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.*

40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible*

41. Call or text her at night to wish her SWEET DREAMS*

42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears.*

43. Take her for LONG walks at night.

44. ALWAYS Remind her how much you love her.*

45.sit on top of her and tell her how much u love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.

I am sick

2010-08-04T10:33:00.001+08:00

Maybe I should have stayed at home. But sleeping will make things worse

Yes, I wanted attention!

2010-08-03T21:59:00.001+08:00

Haha. For the first time, I drove under the influence of medicine. I feel half drunk when I was driving home last night. And had fever yesterday when I was at the doctor. And I had fever just now when I was driving to pick my sis and mum up.Repeated coughing and no one asked about me. Yesterday when I was driving to poly marina, there was a jam at the junction due to an accident between a bus and two big lorry.Waste time. And now, I only hope that I will faster recover. I want a good trip.Sometimes I wonder why people don't talk. Is it because there is nothing much to talk?I'm tired. :( I feel like there is so much not done and there is always something that is draining my energy away. :(

The new toy!

2010-08-02T21:04:00.000+08:00

I had a new toy as a birthday gift. Ok, not really a toy, but a super cool gift that I wanted all the while. And I got it. All thanks to a few people who shared for it. Now I am going to enjoy the thing by bring it out to read more often!

See! And I just managed to get abook from AMAZON! The girl with the dragon tatoo! It better be nice! Haha.

Thank you, Jasmine, Mervyn, Ivy, Hidayat, Siew Hoon, HuiPing, Meiting, Roy, Julia and most importantly, Lawrence! I think i missed out some people. :p oh no.

Just when

2010-08-02T10:58:00.002+08:00

Just when I thought I can move on to ISO, take time to go see doctor, prepare for afternoon exam, prepare for tomorrow major presentation, people get scolded for something that I failed.

Basic Thermo is beyong impossible that took me a day to finish. crap.